Dear Walker, - October 15, 2013

It's hard to put into words how I'm feeling.

There are so many questions wandering through my mind... and I'm not sure I should ask them. I know for sure I don't want to hear the answers.

I remember the first time I saw you. I'd heard of you before, but I saw you for the first time when you played The Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. You were so lively! You were easily one of the highlights of the play: animated, talented, engaging. I was so impressed!

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I saw you in Once Upon a Mattress too. Weren't you in that? Well, I didn't know it was you then.

I'm so glad you grew up and got to come to high school. Otherwise, I may have never known you! Imagine that! We met during the musicals, that I'm pretty sure of. Hello Dolly, and you were a waiter! You fit so perfectly right into the drama family. I didn't even realize you were only a freshman most of the time!

And when we'd get to rehearsal early, and you'd be at the piano... You worked some magic on those keys, Piano Man. I'll never forget that. It was mesmerizing, watching you play. You'd play just about anything I asked. You could play anything I asked. The sky was the limit when you had those keys in front of you.

Where's Charley was so fun too. I remember all of your solos!!! You had such a pure and lovely voice!!! It was no surprise that you got some time to sing by yourself.
Though I also remember how you were always talking during rehearsal. I'll admit, it got annoying sometimes. There were times I'd be yelling at you in my head, "Walker!! Be quiet and pay attention!!!" But you brought the energy to the stage, and that's what mattered. And when you brought it to the stage, you shone like a star.

But I knew you were suffering. I knew, and I hope I helped a little bit. I remember that one time during Where's Charley tech when you fainted and weren't feeling well. Golly, you gave me a heart attack. I'm still so glad you were ok!!! You were the hero of the show that day: a real trooper and quite an encouragement to the rest of us.

You were a joy to talk to. We had some great conversations, almost always about shows though :) Can we help it? We're theater kids! We both love "On My Own" from Les Miserables though.

Oh my goodness, do you remember my graduation party? You came and played my keyboard!!! I was hoping from the beginning that you would. All those Les Miserables songs!! We got to sing On My Own together, and all those other songs that we love!!! I'm so glad you were there. It was an honor having you play our keyboard.

Looking back at some of your old Facebook status, I'm just reminded again how clever you were. Apparently you loved Calculus??? How did I not know that?? Maybe because we talked about theater so much... but I'm not surprised, you smart cookie.

You had character. Not just onstage character, but a bright, brilliant personality and contagious smile. And that laugh. It was such a pure laugh!

You had integrity. It's rare to see such a big heart in a person, and you can't find it in just anyone. Thank you for being such a good friend.

I remember the last time I saw you. Thank you for being so happy to see me. I was so happy to see you, and you easily gave the best hug of everybody I saw at the football game. I still can't believe you'd never seen Beauty and the Beast!!! I saw that you added it to your movies on Facebook though. It makes me smile to know that you saw it. I wish I knew what you thought of it!!! I told you then that you'd make the perfect Lumiere. I still think you would've been the best choice for the role.

You know, you mean a lot to people. You always have. If you didn't know it before, I hope you can see it now. People love you so, so much. I don't think you ever realized just how many lives you impacted, but you did. You were it all: talented, smart, fun (oh so fun!), caring, sweet... You were an actor, a musician, a clown, a brother, the Piano Man, a lover of spoons, a son, a child of God, a man of God, a true friend, but more than anything, you were a joy. You will always be a joy.

Thinking of you now is hard. I can't help but picture you there...I can't say it. I try to shut it out of my mind, but it lingers and grieves me all the same.

Hearing the news broke my heart. I'm really glad I finished my essay before I heard, because afterwards... I was so shocked and confused... I still am heartbroken and in a state of utter disbelief. It's going to take me a while to even accept that it happened. But I've been thinking of you all day today, and despite all the sorrow and grief, I can see you, energetic and full of joy, and imagine you and your laugh and your smile as you fling spoons at Jesus. Is there a big piano up there? I hope so. I hope there's that, and a theater, and a whole table full of Calculus problems for you.

Thank you for all you were. Thank you for all you still are. Thank you for every day of mine you brightened. Thank you for bringing all you had, even when it was hard. Thank you for being a friend.

I'll never forget you, ever. I already missed you, and now I still do, just more and in a whole new way. I love you. We all do. I'll see you again someday. I'll bring my Les Miserables piano book, and we'll have a grand time. Rest in the peace in His loving arms.

Love,

Rachel