I know I'm filled to be emptied again, This seed I've received I will sow...
Tuesday morning, it was super hard to get up for class. It was so hard to stay awake in the classroom... I feel really bad. I'm trying to stay awake, honestly!
Anyway, I edited and completely finished my essay. With that, I was done. All the big projects and papers and midterms are over with, and I was free to enjoy the rest of my week.
That's when I checked my phone, and got the message from my sister....
Thank God I finished my essay before I got the message. I stopped... just in the middle of the quad in shock.... My mom called me to confirm what happened and... I could barely concentrate on anything else all day....Classes were difficult.
For those who either didn't get my last post or who just don't know, a good friend of mine died Monday night. We all heard about it Tuesday morning.
Most of what I had to say I've said already. My heart is heavy and broken, and I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with this... I've never lost anyone I knew well before, and on top of that, I ever wanted to. I wish things could have been different, but I know more than anything that Walker is with the Lord now. Any suffering he was going through is over, and I find so much peace and comfort in that.
I went to the Intervarsity Bible study that night, and was able to share with the other 3 girls what had happened. We prayed for his family and friends in this difficult time, and they were just so supportive and loving to me too. I'm really grateful for them. God's blessed me with a community here on campus... and I'm starting to really see it shine through.
It continued over to today. I was still feeling full of sorrow this morning... Lost in my own thought and all....
A lot of what I thought about was how hard it is to know that someone is going through something just by looking at them. Most of the time, it's impossible to tell. How can you tell who needs somebody, really badly, right in that moment? I wish we could just have it be a social norm to make that clear to those around us.
I spent a lot of time journaling before my next class.
Tonight, I wasn't planning on doing much. Maybe being productive, for once, maybe watching more Youtube or something, but I remembered that Cru was having their weekly meeting tonight (another Christian group, much like IV), and Mom convinced me I should go. Besides, there are some people that King's that go sometimes, so maybe I could see them....
Turns out I was meant to be there. Go God.
It wasn't at the usual place where Cru was supposed to meet, but a couple of girls met me there, since they were also confused, and together we found out the actual room of the meeting. We walked over together too! So I made some new friends. I was feeling kinda sick when I got there... just really tired and I had eaten too much and felt like doing absolutely nothing. A girl came up to me and asked if we had met before, in the middle of me eyeing the door. I said no, and turns out we're both named Rachel! She's a freshman too. So I made another friend, and I sat next to her during the meeting.
As soon as the worship music started, I was sucked in. Even after all that devotional time today, I still needed more God. It's like I can't get enough of him: I was hanging on every word of the song.
Ok, then, I thought. That's good enough. I can just relax for the rest and maybe sneak out if need be.
Boy, was I wrong.
Cru is going through a series on finding God in the workplace, whether that's school or the business world. A recent USC film school graduate, Brian, came to share his testimony with us. He told us about how he became a child of God at 21, but before that, had a really neat experience in Korea that later, taught him a lot about God's character. He became a Christian once he realized one day that Jesus didn't just die for our sin, he became our sin in order to dispose it for us. It's a whole new perspective that really just makes you love God more. He also gave some advice for being with God in the workplace and in all you do.
I've got the specifics written down in my journal, and I want to share them, but I'm not willing to get off the bed right now to get my journal out to write it all down. Besides, the adventures continue after this. I'll tell you more about it later if you're still curious.
The point is... God spoke to me through Brian tonight. There was, surprisingly, a lot of comfort and encouragement in his story and advice that I didn't know I needed, but that affected me deeply, especially with all that's going on at home. It's the strongest I've felt God's presence here since I've moved down to college... I totally broke down during the worship songs at the end.... quietly and alone, but still....
I went up afterwards to thank Brian, and to tell him how much it helped. Before I got there, my new friend Rachel came up and offered to hang out or talk anytime. We're now Facebook friends since her phone is broken, but I'm so grateful for her reaching out to me. And Brian was so incredibly loving... I was still having a hard time keeping it together when I got there, but I thanked him so much and told him it was exactly what I needed to hear. Since I was breaking down a bit, I explained the situation. He took me to the side and gave me the biggest hug and even more encouragement. I can't even put into words how much that meant to me. What an incredible man. I'll include more about his film company in my next blog, when I'm not too lazy to get my journal out and tell you all. Be sure to check it out when I do!
I ran into another girl in the hallway on my way out. She saw I was still crying, and just asked, "hey, are you ok?" and then "Do you need a hug?"
I guess I was granting my own wish: being somebody out there who really obviously could use a bit of hugs and encouragement. I forget her name at the moment, but she also gave me her phone number, just in case.
As I started to walk back to Pardee, I thought I'd take the long way, just to go for a walk at night... get my thoughts together... try to enjoy the evening... One of the girls I met at the very beginning of the night, Jannelle (I think that's how you spell it? Sorry if I'm wrong) was walking the same way, and offered to walk with me and talk with me. Turns out we're both going through a loss of some kind. We ended up walking to the Bing Theater and just sitting outside of it, talking and talking and talking for a full hour. It really lifted my spirits, and I hope it lifted hers too. I also hope we get to talk more in the future.
As we wrapped up our conversation, a big group of people came out of the theater on campus where they usually show movies. I was walking to Pardee finally, when a guy from the building caught up with me and asked me if I had been in the class that had just gotten out. I said no, but thanked him for letting me know what it was. We ended up talking all the way back to Pardee! He's a critical film studies major, but wants to make films, not critique them. I told him I was an actress, and he recommended a film school teacher, without even knowing that I had the interest already in taking a film class at some point while I'm here. He also knows Kieryn! So there's a connection! I left with his phone number, and him with mine in case any films came up that needed an actress. I even got a side hug out of it.
But wait. There's more.
When I got back upstairs, I told Kieryn about how I met one of her friends, which was cool! I chilled out for a while, but Jinny left the room at one point. Shortly after, I could hear laughter coming from all the way down the hall. Naturally, I went out to see what was up, since it sounded like Sneha. It was, and I ended up joining in on a moment of pure fun and joy with these fantastic girls on my floor.
Ok, that's all.
It's blowing my mind how much God provided in just this one night. Networking, encouragement, friendship, community, peace... I'm overwhelmed all over again. Is He amazing or what? Even when the worst happens, He always pulls through.
So I'm feeling better. Definitely not recovered, but much better. I will be continuing to pray for Walker's family and friends, and I know they would appreciate all your prayers too, please.
I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Fight on, friends.
He is real, He's alive, and He is working in and through you, Rachel. I love you, Tia Patti
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