By the time I got up in the morning, my class back at USC was half over, but I didn't care. I was home! <3 Unfortunately, the habit of getting completely ready for the day before having breakfast has stuck with me.... so much for food in my pajamas :P
Mom and I went shopping. We ran by my Grandma's house really quick to drop some stuff for Jesse off to her, and it was wonderful seeing my beautiful Grandmother again. I'm not just saying that either; I love you Grandma!!!!
I also love my incredible mother!!! She took me shoe shopping and got me a pair of black shoes that I can work backstage in, as well as a pair of super stylish black boots! Squee!!! And to top that all off, we went to Macy's and got me a black purse (cause I don't have one and my purses are pretty worn out), and we got Boudin for lunch. Boudin, guys, Boudin. There is nothing on the entire surface on God's great earth that can even compare to Boudin sourdough bread and clam chowder. Words don't describe it. There is no better bread though!!!
Anyways, after that I got to go to TKA and see all those incredible people there that I've been missing so much, INCLUDING some of those I missed last time I visited (Andrew, Charlie!! to name a few!!!)! I love my TKA family... Honestly, you guys are so wonderful and incredible. I wish I could've seen them on a different circumstance though...
I went home and got ready to go, then Mom and I headed to the church for Walker's memorial.
It was beautiful. It was beautiful but thick with sorrow... at least on my part... I couldn't stop crying the entire service, and started even a little bit before the service started.... I had a really good view from the balcony... The pastor at the church gave a really comforting message, then Walker's father gave a beautiful little speech all about Walker's life and how much joy he brought to their family. It was beautiful. Purely beautiful. What made me break down was a video of pictures from Walker's life that was shown... the last song they played was Billy Joel's Piano Man. That song describes Walker so much... I couldn't handle it.... Sorry...
Losing Walker broke my heart. It broke the heart of everyone who knew him, I'm sure. And this... this is going to take a long, long time to heal. I still can't even fully believe that he's gone. I can't believe that it's him that's gone, and not someone else that I hardly know that I hear about from some other school... some other place... You hear those stories so much, but when it's someone you know? ...Maybe this is just because I've never lost anyone before.... but it's jarring. It's tragic and jarring and I don't know how I'm going to ever heal from it completely. Actually, I don't think I ever will. My heart will heal in time, but it will never, ever be the same....
Walker had a beautiful mind. He had a beautiful mind and a brilliant spirit, and was a blessing to all who knew him. But God is watching over him now, and his suffering is over. It brings me so much joy to know that he is safe and beyond joyous in the arms of his Father in heaven, but there will never be anyone like him. He was unique. I miss him so much...
But, as odd as it is, tragedy brings people together. The reception of the service was filled with so much love... we were all so connected. It's brought people together, what happened, and has ignited connections that haven't been there before.
I got to hug Walker's family, which I've been wanting to do since I heard what happened. Cole and Reid, if either of you read this, I love you guys so much!
And then, I got to just be with my TKA family. My wonderful, beautiful TKA family, of all ages. Actually... I spent a lot of time with the teachers... which was a bit odd for me. I felt like I should've been running around with the teenagers... but I'm growing up, I guess. Plus, they get to see their teachers every day. I don't, but I miss them lots! It's really cool being able to talk to them more like friends now, instead of a teacher-student relationship. I feel grown up.
After it was all said and done, I'd say there were a couple key things I took away from it:
1. Walker was an absolutely, incredible, brilliant, beautiful son of God. I'm going to miss him more than I can say. I love him and can't wait to see his face in heaven someday, but until then... he's at peace.
2. It is so, so comforting to be around people that feel the same way you do.
3. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted. Not only does this mean he was with Walker, but he's with all of us too.
4. My TKA family is irreplaceable. <3
I wish with all my heart that I had gotten to visit under a different circumstance, but I am so grateful that I got to go. It meant a lot to me to be there, and I hope I was able to bring others some comfort too.
I went back home, got all packed up and ready to leave, then got to spend a last hour just chilling out and eating dessert with my family before Dad took me to the airport.
Can I stop for a moment and say again how much I love my family? Dad, Mom, Kris, Ashley, Jesse, and Melissa (you too, even though I didn't see you!), you guys lift me up when I need it the most. I wouldn't trade you guys for anything in the universe.
So, back to LA I went.
I met a band! They were on the plane with me, and I got to talk to one of the members afterwards. He's the manager/keyboard player/electric guitarist, and the band is called Max Frost. The whole group was there, since they had a gig in LA. So, if they ever make it super super big, I can say I met them first! :)
My taxi driver was craaaazzzzyyyy... but I got back safe.
It's hard to get through the day when you're heart feels heavy and burdened with grief, but things can and will get better... I know they will...
There's two pictures I want to leave you with. Well, they're quotes really, but I feel like both have so much to do with the situation at the moment. Please ignore where they're from; it's what they say that's important.
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| It makes me sad to know that this is probably how Walker felt... but even if it was, it speaks to how big his heart was. He always made his friends feel happy, that's for sure. |
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| This... this is how I feel. |
Through the good and bad times, Fight on, friends.
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