There and Back Again- May 14, 2014

And just like that, I'm home, and my freshman year of college is complete.

It's exhilarating, and I still can't quite believe it. It didn't really hit me until I was in the car driving away, but luckily, it hit me with a ton of joy and accomplishment and pride.

I did it. I survived. Not only do I feel like I survived, I feel like I conquered this year. And I didn't even stick with everything I was hoping this year would be!!!

Time has flown by so fast... It really has...

Anyways, today I got up really early and had one last EVK breakfast with Jinny before my THTR 130 final! It was super easy- only 20 multiple choice questions.
Then it was back to the dorm room and packing everything up. I had to move all my stuff out to my car and fit it in... Luckily it wasn't as hard as I thought! And Thomas helped too. Thanks, Thomas!
By that time all I had to really do was make sure the room was thoroughly cleaned and that I was prepared for the Theatre History final. I also said goodbye to Thomas, since he was planning to leave before I was.

I've been saying goodbye to friends ever since Saturday, when Kate left. I'd be sadder... but to be honest, I feel like a lot of them I'll get to see next year. At least, I'm certainly planning on it!!! So it's not really too sad at all :)

Anyways... 210.... ugh.
It's finally over. This class has given us so many headaches and complaints... But we had a scene competition today as our final. There were two awesome parts about it: 1) My scene got third place!!! Woot!!! 2) It was the last time I have to be in that class!!!

And then... after that class was done... I was done. Just like that. Done with Freshman year.
Had a hard time believing it all the way... I still do. It hasn't fully, completely hit me yet. It just still feels like I'm home to visit or something...

Well, we got the room cleaned out, I said goodbye to Jinny, and headed out to the car! I'm gonna miss Jinny over the summer!!! At least we're living together next year too.

By the way, I am so lucky to have gotten her as a roommate. She has put up with me, encouraged me, made me laugh, and has just been an awesome person to spend this year with in general. I love her wit, her work ethic, ambition, tender heart, and infectious laugh. Next year with her is going to be fantastic!!!

And then I left Pardee Tower. And went to my car. And got in. And that's when it started to hit me, but like I said, I just felt exhilarated and joyful and excited. I am DONE and I am a CHAMPION.

Drove to the airport, picked up Dad, and he drove us all the way back up to home. That was super nice! I really enjoyed getting to spend time with him, even though I chatted his ear off a little bit :)

So here I am. Back at home, for three entire months... It feels a bit surreal.

I went back and read my first week of blog posts when coming to USC, and I have to say, I predicted this year pretty well:

"I am fairly certain that I will not come out of this year the same way I went into it. I'm going to change a lot, and hopefully for the better. I expect I won't stick with all the goals I set for myself, but I'm still going to try hard to achieve them. I'm going to learn a lot too. I've been told by many that this is likely to be a hard year to get through...

I'm going to survive. It's going to be really tough, but by the end of this year, I hope to look back and say it was the best year I could've asked for for my freshman year of college."

I have not come out of this year the same way I went into it. I feel like I've become more independent, more self-aware, more aware of the world, much more confident, and more determined. I'm a better actor, a better singer, a better student, and I hope I'm a better person. I think I've changed mostly for the better, overall... I hope... I've made some bad habits as far as getting to bed early and not spending as much time as I'd like with God and in his word. Granted, I didn't stick with all the goals I set for myself, otherwise I wouldn't have these problems now! I can't say I didn't try. But I won't stop trying just because the year is over. I did learn a lot- both in and out of the classroom! For instance, I learned how to take a headshot, how to manage my time a little better (still working on that one), how to turn down drinking but still have fun, how to be alone and be ok with it, and how to take initiative when there's something I want done. I learned about myself too. I learned that I'm really good at encouraging people, and keeping a positive attitude, for instance. I also learned that I like being alone and having time and a little world all to myself. I'm a much bigger nerd than I ever thought I was before, too. I've also learned that there's a whole lot more I have to learn.

But I think the biggest things I learned this year were 1) It's ok to not know everything,  2) don't be afraid to just be you, and 3) sometimes it's ok to not have control over everything. Just Let it go. ;)

I have a few regrets- not getting to IV or Cru more during the year, never going to archery practice (I really wanted to but never got to it!!), not going to more parties, never making it to a basketball game (or anything that wasn't football, for that matter), never getting back to the kitten volunteer place, not getting a job in LA... But I have three more years to do all that. Maybe more than that, depending on whether or not I stay in LA after college, and for how long. I have time.

It was rough, several times. This year marked my first real all-nighters, losing people in my life for the first time, being away from my community and family back home, and being really academically challenged in nearly all the classes I took.

But it was also wonderful. I am grateful beyond words for each of the incredible people I met and friends I made. There was something to enjoy about every class, even if it was being able to bond with other people over how much we all hated the same class. The adventures, the laughs, the excitement, it was all wonderful.

It was a hard year, but I survived. It wasn't easy, but I did it, and it was the best year I could've asked for for my freshman year of college.

Thank you all for your support and love. <3

Fight on forever