There and Back Again- May 14, 2014

And just like that, I'm home, and my freshman year of college is complete.

It's exhilarating, and I still can't quite believe it. It didn't really hit me until I was in the car driving away, but luckily, it hit me with a ton of joy and accomplishment and pride.

I did it. I survived. Not only do I feel like I survived, I feel like I conquered this year. And I didn't even stick with everything I was hoping this year would be!!!

Time has flown by so fast... It really has...

Anyways, today I got up really early and had one last EVK breakfast with Jinny before my THTR 130 final! It was super easy- only 20 multiple choice questions.
Then it was back to the dorm room and packing everything up. I had to move all my stuff out to my car and fit it in... Luckily it wasn't as hard as I thought! And Thomas helped too. Thanks, Thomas!
By that time all I had to really do was make sure the room was thoroughly cleaned and that I was prepared for the Theatre History final. I also said goodbye to Thomas, since he was planning to leave before I was.

I've been saying goodbye to friends ever since Saturday, when Kate left. I'd be sadder... but to be honest, I feel like a lot of them I'll get to see next year. At least, I'm certainly planning on it!!! So it's not really too sad at all :)

Anyways... 210.... ugh.
It's finally over. This class has given us so many headaches and complaints... But we had a scene competition today as our final. There were two awesome parts about it: 1) My scene got third place!!! Woot!!! 2) It was the last time I have to be in that class!!!

And then... after that class was done... I was done. Just like that. Done with Freshman year.
Had a hard time believing it all the way... I still do. It hasn't fully, completely hit me yet. It just still feels like I'm home to visit or something...

Well, we got the room cleaned out, I said goodbye to Jinny, and headed out to the car! I'm gonna miss Jinny over the summer!!! At least we're living together next year too.

By the way, I am so lucky to have gotten her as a roommate. She has put up with me, encouraged me, made me laugh, and has just been an awesome person to spend this year with in general. I love her wit, her work ethic, ambition, tender heart, and infectious laugh. Next year with her is going to be fantastic!!!

And then I left Pardee Tower. And went to my car. And got in. And that's when it started to hit me, but like I said, I just felt exhilarated and joyful and excited. I am DONE and I am a CHAMPION.

Drove to the airport, picked up Dad, and he drove us all the way back up to home. That was super nice! I really enjoyed getting to spend time with him, even though I chatted his ear off a little bit :)

So here I am. Back at home, for three entire months... It feels a bit surreal.

I went back and read my first week of blog posts when coming to USC, and I have to say, I predicted this year pretty well:

"I am fairly certain that I will not come out of this year the same way I went into it. I'm going to change a lot, and hopefully for the better. I expect I won't stick with all the goals I set for myself, but I'm still going to try hard to achieve them. I'm going to learn a lot too. I've been told by many that this is likely to be a hard year to get through...

I'm going to survive. It's going to be really tough, but by the end of this year, I hope to look back and say it was the best year I could've asked for for my freshman year of college."

I have not come out of this year the same way I went into it. I feel like I've become more independent, more self-aware, more aware of the world, much more confident, and more determined. I'm a better actor, a better singer, a better student, and I hope I'm a better person. I think I've changed mostly for the better, overall... I hope... I've made some bad habits as far as getting to bed early and not spending as much time as I'd like with God and in his word. Granted, I didn't stick with all the goals I set for myself, otherwise I wouldn't have these problems now! I can't say I didn't try. But I won't stop trying just because the year is over. I did learn a lot- both in and out of the classroom! For instance, I learned how to take a headshot, how to manage my time a little better (still working on that one), how to turn down drinking but still have fun, how to be alone and be ok with it, and how to take initiative when there's something I want done. I learned about myself too. I learned that I'm really good at encouraging people, and keeping a positive attitude, for instance. I also learned that I like being alone and having time and a little world all to myself. I'm a much bigger nerd than I ever thought I was before, too. I've also learned that there's a whole lot more I have to learn.

But I think the biggest things I learned this year were 1) It's ok to not know everything,  2) don't be afraid to just be you, and 3) sometimes it's ok to not have control over everything. Just Let it go. ;)

I have a few regrets- not getting to IV or Cru more during the year, never going to archery practice (I really wanted to but never got to it!!), not going to more parties, never making it to a basketball game (or anything that wasn't football, for that matter), never getting back to the kitten volunteer place, not getting a job in LA... But I have three more years to do all that. Maybe more than that, depending on whether or not I stay in LA after college, and for how long. I have time.

It was rough, several times. This year marked my first real all-nighters, losing people in my life for the first time, being away from my community and family back home, and being really academically challenged in nearly all the classes I took.

But it was also wonderful. I am grateful beyond words for each of the incredible people I met and friends I made. There was something to enjoy about every class, even if it was being able to bond with other people over how much we all hated the same class. The adventures, the laughs, the excitement, it was all wonderful.

It was a hard year, but I survived. It wasn't easy, but I did it, and it was the best year I could've asked for for my freshman year of college.

Thank you all for your support and love. <3

Fight on forever

The Last Few Days- May 12-13, 2014

This is so, so weird.

Freshman year can't possibly be ending so soon... can it? I mean, I'm sitting here on my bed, with my back against the wall just like I've done hundreds of times this year... but the view is completely different. Jinny's sheets aren't on the bed, there's nothing on the walls, the dresser and desks are bare, there's boxes out again... My own bed, with the sheets still on it, seems very out-of-place amid all the suitcases and...overwhelming bareness. I can hardly recognize the outside of my door, since the name cards aren't on it anymore...
Is there anything stable about college life?

Well, I did survive my finals on Monday. Thank you if you prayed!!! I was able to calm down, I got up on time, and I think I did pretty well!! I also finished studying on time for my Sociology final. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be! I finished a bit early and it felt really good to be done with that once I was!!!
The rest of that day I spent packing. I packed for a while, did my final load of laundry in this building, and then didn't want to go to bed, so I went on a walk around campus with Thomas. It's always fun having Thomas around!! We explored Marshall and the music school and enjoyed the warm air :) It's getting really warm here.

Today it was 91 degrees out. Oppressively hot, if you ask me. I spent pretty much all day packing, though I did a little studying here and there.

For a late lunch, Jinny, Anna, Jacqueline, and I went to Nektar! I'd never been before, but it's this smoothie/fruit place on campus hidden in the architecture school. And it is fabulous!!! It feels very LA, but the smoothies are really nice. I'll have to go more next semester!! It was also really fun hanging out with those girls :)

The other eventful thing that happened was me getting stressed about this stupid 210 scene again. We attempted a group meeting but practically no one that we actually needed to show up did, so we had to postpone it. I got really upset about it, but oh well, I guess. It won't matter in 24 hours.

24 hours... Wow.

Jinny and I had dinner at EVK for the last time as Freshmen! It was very nice, which is really nice for EVK!!

I've spent this evening finishing packing, studying, and painting my nails even though they got messed up immediately after I finished them... Oh well. Jinny and I also hung out with Sneha, Hannah, and Corona in Hannah's room! That was really fun :)

I've got to say, I'm so lucky to have gotten Hannah as my RA. She's so chill and sweet. I don't think my experience would've been the same without her! Plus, I got to live right across the hall from her, which means I got to actually bond with her more than I might have otherwise. I'm really lucky. I hope I get to see her lots next year!

But yeah... Here I am... in my nearly empty dorm room. Technically, this is my last post as a USC Freshman, since by the time I post tomorrow, I'll be done.

How am I feeling? ...Nostalgic, sentimental, wanting time to slow down... but paradoxically, wanting it to speed up too. I'm so excited to be done, even though I know this experience is so unique and worth savoring. I guess I'm feeling sentimentally bittersweet. There's a lot about this building I'm going to miss: the girls on my hall, the old view of the parking garage, the dungeon gym, waking up to tailgating people on game day, hanging out late into the night with my friends in their rooms, always finding somebody awake at any hour of the day, treking down to EVK every day, being so close to everything on campus, exploring the campus, studying (and pulling all-nighters) in the lounge... yeah. It's pretty special and unique to my first year of college. What a classic college experience.
Though, I won't miss the bathrooms. That I know for sure!!

Well... Goodbye, Pardee Tower. This is the last night we'll spend together. I'm glad I could call this bed my own, and this building my home, for a while. It'll always be special to me now :)

Fight on, friends

Stress Level 34131934840- May 11, 2014

Before I forget, A very happy Mother's day to all the mothers I know!!!! Especially to my mom- Mom, I love you so much. I appreciate you every single day, but I'm glad that you get a day just to you to emphasize even more, once again, all you do for us. I'm so grateful you're in my life, and there is no better mom for me <3

Meanwhile, over in collge land...

Lord, Help me.

Finals are getting to me, guys. Really really getting to me. I've been stressed all day. I'm even stressed about being stressed too much. I'm worried that I'll be sick from worrying, and that all this worry is in vain, even.

But I'm not going to think about that. I have a Father in heaven hwo's protecting me and who tells me to not worry about anything, but pray about everything.

Deep breath. Here we go.

I failed at getting up early today, again. I did get a little studying done in the morning despite that, though!!

Then, Sneha, Jinny, Jessie, and I drove out to Venice to have a nice lunch at a little Cafe called Cafe Gratitude. It was entirely vegan, and reminded me of stereotypical LA meets Hippie meets the beach.
My food was good, though! It was all very filling, but good!!

We explored around Venice a little after that! We found a cute little bakery where we got dessert, which was fun, and then drove back to campus.

Yay for being independent!!! Yay for driving in LA!!!

As soon as I got back though, the stress-fest began. Honestly, I was working really hard at not being stressed or worried while I was out with my friends to begin with... but anyways.

I rehearsed with Afton, since we perform tomorrow at 8am. Then I rushed back to Marks Hall and met with some of my group for our 210 Scene.

I. Hate. Group. Projects. Just saying. I'm a firm believer in the "If you want something done right, do it yourself" philosophy, but that's impossible when you're working on a scene. You have to trust everyone to do their part, and there are definitely people that are not pulling through. UGH. Just saying. It's so annoying.

Then, I attempted studying for Sociology some more. Had a mini panic attack before I could get work done.

Now... Now I'm trying to stay calm... I'm going to watch some videos of kittens, and journal a bit...

God is in control. I'm going to be ok.
I wouldn't blog about being so stressed... but something tells me I'm going to read this in a year or so and laugh at myself. Or relate to myself.

Future me- Stop laughing. You know how you felt and it's NOT fun, ok? I'm not used to being more stressed than this yet, so give me a break. Or give me a hug. Actually, don't. It'd be a little weird getting a hug from future me.

....I wonder what future me would tell me, right now, actually. Probably that I'm going to be ok, and that stressing and worrying will only make things worse.

I'm going to be ok. God is in control.
2 more days. 2 more days.

Fight on, friends

Friendly Fountain Fun- May 10, 2014

Just when I think I'm going to be the most productive I've ever been, here goes another adventure.

Well, I was productive this morning. I managed to read a lot for Sociology, plus start the process of packing up my room.... kind of. I made a dent, I suppose.

I guess it was just a dent I made in my studying too. Oh well. I also rehearsed my Scene Study scene with Afton, so that's progress!

Also, slightly embarrassing story time:
I went for a walk as a study break, because I felt like getting out of the room and stretching my legs. Naturally, I brought my Lord of the Rings book with me. The chapter I had to read was "Shelob's Lair"- you know the part of the story with the giant spider in the tunnel?
Well, Tolkien is really good at being descriptive and getting you really into the story through the language. So I'm walking along, getting super into the story, and feeling myself physically react to what's happening in the book. And I am SUPER enthralled at this point- it is highly climactic at this point of the story, there's a lot at stake... it's just.... intense. Plus, I start hating Gollum- Like, HATING HATING to the point where I want to rip the book and pretend it's his throat. Seriously. Stupid ****ing Gollum. Ugh.

So yeah, here's little old me, completely lost in my book as my teeth are clenched and gripping the pages, when, of course, I run into people I know who call my name. I get snapped out of my reverie, but it takes a second and shocks me a little bit. Like when someone says "Boo!" and you're actually scared.
So now here I am stumbling like an idiot because my brain is still stuck in a tunnel with Shelob and Frodo and Sam until all I can do to effectively shake off how I'm feeling is start laughing nearly uncontrollably at how funny I must've looked and how into it I got....
Oy vey. Rachel's a little insane, can we agree? That or just a total dork when it comes to books.

Well, oh well.

Anyways, tonight was Kate's last night at USC!! She finished her final today, and is already all packed up, but we wanted to get to spend some time with her since she flies out tomorrow morning. Jinny and I went with her to get Frozen Yogurt, then we went to Starbucks, and then we decided to just roam around campus for a bit.

Best. Idea. Ever.

We went to the Traveller statue, with the intent of taking pictures riding our school's famous horse... once Kate and Jinny finished their coffee. Instead, we ended up jumping in and wading around the fountain right in front of the statue. It was so much fun!!!!
At first, I was the only one willing to even get my feet wet, so Jinny had me carry her across the fountain (there were little steps coming out of it). We were quite a sight!! Then of course, Kate wanted to join in, so I helped her walk across the little fountain. All this time, of course, we're trying to stay out of sight of DPS if they come around, since we would probably get in trouble for being in the fountains.

So, we get to the point where all of us are in the fountain (Jinny finally caved), and suddenly someone gave the "DPS!" warning. So Jinny darts out quickly, and I try to get Kate across as quickly as possible. I don't even know what happened, to be honest, but Kate caved or started laughing or just got too much adreneline or something and just stopped. Result was she sat on the water.... ON the water.... Oh Kate.
It was so much fun though. We were dying of laughter.

Jinny did eventually get some pictures on Traveller, though a group came after and spoiled my and Kate's chances. DPS came and shooed the group away. Oh well, maybe next year.... (or later this semester....)

The three of us were cracking up all the way back to Pardee. Plus, then we hung out in Anna and Jacqueline's room for a bit, which was equally lovely :)
It's been one lovely evening hanging out with friends <3

And what's so hard to believe is that a year ago, I didn't even know these people existed. And now, we're having the time of our lives. Who would've thought it, when the semester first started?

I'm so grateful. For these wonderful girls, for being at this school... all of it. I feel so blessed.

Though, I WILL get that Traveller picture... at some point :)

Fight on, Friends.

Beach Adventure!!!- May 9, 2014

Today, I was Bilbo Baggins for a little bit. Specifically, I felt exactly like Bilbo in this classic "Hobbit" photo:

I'm going on an adventure!!!!

I woke up today late again, and planned to spend most of the day studying. Grabbed some breakfast, and had a little time to kill before picking up my Writing 150 paper.

Study? Nope. Lord of the Rings.

I'm so close to finishing "The Two Towers!!!!" Two chapters left!!! I wish that was all I had to work on these next few days... just reading. That would be fantastic, wouldn't it?

Anyways, I picked up my paper, then went and rehearsed my scene with Afton. It's getting better! We're planning to rehearse every day up until Monday, which will help us a lot, I think.

Ok, here we go.

Right as I was walking down the stairs, leaving Parkside and after rehearsing, Kapil calls me: "Hey Rachel, want to go on a spontaneous beach trip?"

Me: "Wait, what?!? Give me 10 minutes!"

In those 10 minutes, I walked back to my dorm from Parkside, weighed how much I had to do this weekend, wondered if I really deserved going to the beach today, judged the weather, and thought about how much I've wanted to go to the beach these past few weeks.

Conclusion: What the heck, YOLO. I called him back, "I'm in!!!"

So, I ran upstairs and grabbed everything I needed for the beach in a backpack, and ran out to be picked up.

Scroll back up to that picture. That's how I felt, even if it wasn't exactly how I looked.

Kapil picked me up in his awesome green convertible, and we met up with the friend of his that invited him in the first place, as well as three new friends!!! So I made four new friends today: Stephen, Zach, Katie, and Gina. Even more awesome was that Stephen and Zach are in the brother fraternity of the sorority I was thinking of rushing for next semester (and this semester, but ended up not). And we all drove out to Malibu!!!! Me in Kapil's car, and the other four in another car. Kapil and I had a blast playing super loud music and singing along all the way there.

It was a bit cooler, by the time we arrived, but still really nice! The water was cool, but I didn't find it as cold as the others did. We played with a frisbee, splashed in the water, and laid out on the sand and talked. Plus, Zach and I explored some rocks for a bit, which was fun!!! I've missed the beach so much... it was great to smell the salty air again and feel the sand under my toes! <3

I laughed so hard for so much of our time there. It was an incredible amount of fun and I'm so glad I decided to go!!!

We stayed for a few hours, then started to head back around 6:30 or so. I drove back with Kapil again, and got to talk to him about a lot. He's an awesome friend that I'm lucky to have!!! Plus, I really love being in that convertible. I've never had a dream car before, really, but now I want a convertible someday...

Snapped a quick picture before we left.
Malibu is beautiful! The beaches are, at least!

We got back to SC before the other car did, but we still wanted to have dinner together. Kapil dropped me off back at Pardee for a bit, and he headed back to his apartment with the agreement that we would all meet up at Pizza Studio when we all were back. So I got to run up, clean up, and change into warmer clothes (the one thing I'd forgotten was a sweatshirt, so I was really cold!!!) before running back down to get food with my new friends :)

We sat in Pizza Studio for a good hour and a half, at least, just hanging out, plotting to steal other people's pizzas, and talking. I also learned a lot about Switzerland- Katie's studying abroad here in California, but her real university and home are in Switzerland. She also speaks 5 languages. Isn't that cool??

Anyways, after we parted ways, I came back to my dorm and I've just been chilling ever since :)

Today, I learned the value of making a quick decision and going with a risk. Sometimes, YOLO is the best decision you could ever imagine making, and I'm super glad I went :) Thanks again, Kapil!!! And thank you to my new friends as well!!!

You know, that's one thing I've really loved about LA- There's always an adventure around the corner, and it's always worth taking.

Quick side note- HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!!!!!! I love you so much and I hope your day was as beautiful as you <3 I miss you!!!!

Fight on, friends.

Home stretch- May 5-8, 2014

Man, what a week.

Not even that much happened this week... It just... was. But it's still felt super long and it's been difficult getting through it.

Monday I tried to work on my sociology paper, and was a little bit productive, I suppose. I got up really really late that day, anyways, which didn't help things. Also, rehearsed my scene with Afton for John (scene study class) and despite all that I feel like we're really trying to do right, he's still finding a lot of problems in the scene... it's discouraging, but here's hoping rehearsing tomorrow and this weekend will help us before the final...

Tuesday I was almost pleasantly surprised! Not that it was almost pleasant- it was almost a surprise. Mom drove down to LA to get me a car for moving out next week! I was expecting her this weekend, but she informed me Monday night that it would be Tuesday instead! So, anyways, I got to see her very briefly!!! Then, I drove her to the airport. I drove. In LA. For the first time. Even at the airport.

It's not quite as scary as I thought... but still takes absolutely every ounce of my concentration when I'm out there... not used to it at all. Yikes.

I wish I'd seen Mom longer, but now my car's here!!! Yay!!! ^_^

I spent the rest of my day working hard on my sociology paper. And yet, there was still a lot to do before Wednesday hit.

Wednesday, I managed to get up early enough to spend a lot of time in Leavy Library, writing my paper. I really only took one long two-hour break the whole day. I finished it around 7:30, which was an awesome feeling though.

Plus, I had a great reward- Lord of the Rings!!!

I finally got to introduce Thomas to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It's really a shame more people haven't seen these movies! Anyways, we watched The Fellowship of the Ring and had a splendid time and I got to see all the actors I love playing the characters I adore and it was amazing. Definitely a just reward for a full day's worth of work :) And of course, it's always fun to hang out with Thomas!!

Today has been much more slow. I got up late again, and attempted to study.... but I just haven't been able to bring myself to get work done all day. I've gotten organized, I've practiced my spanish a bit, talked with friends.... Procrastination sucks. Give a girl a break! I've had three days chock-full of work in a row! Bad excuse, I suppose... but it's valid enough for a freshman in college.

Starting today, I'm at the stage where today is the last whatever day of the week it is that I'll be living on campus during my freshman year... ever. It's a really crazy thought... It almost doesn't feel like I have so little time left, and then I remember I have to pack this weekend.... Wow.

I wish I could say the time flew by, since that's what I feel the appropriate response is... but it hasn't. I feel like I've been here a good year. It's only really been 9 months, but it feels like it's been a year.

I'm tired. I've got a lot on my mind. I'm ready to go home. Hopefully my four finals will fly by, so that I can be home soon.

Fight on, friends.

May the 4th be with you- May 4, 2014

May the 4th be with you!!!

As a self-proclaimed dork, I find a lot of pleasure in celebrating today and the franchise it commemorates. Although I am not an avid fan, nor can I claim to know any extensive details about the Star Wars universe, I am proud to say I am still a fan. It's really fun to have a whole day dedicated to a movie (or 3... or 6).

Although, I didn't do much today to specifically celebrate the movies. I got up fairly late, talked with my mom, got homework done, rehearsed a scene with my scene partner, wasted a bit of time (again!), talked with Ashley, and started planning out my Study Week. Yeah. Yay.

But the new thing I did today was see a new play I've never heard of before until today!!!

Remember how Kapil, Jake, and I went to see "The Petrified Forest" last week? We decided to reprise our adventures!!! Kapil came up with the idea to go see "Fat Pig," a play in Hollywood, since it was really popular when it came out originally and I guess it sounded good! Anyways, Jake and I were both in on it! We didn't get food afterwards (just before, in a little cafe), but we still had a ton of fun!! At least, I did!!!
I love how we've formed a little theater seeing group now, the three of us. I hope this continues!!!

The play itself was thought provoking, funny, and still sad. It's about a man named Tom who starts a relationship with Helen, a very plus-sized woman, and all his colleagues put him through because of it. To me, it sends an important message about the harm that comes from judging others, as well as society's expectations and inner thoughts as a whole about people different than us. But mostly about judgment, I think. The problems of the play could totally have been avoided if it weren't for the harsh judgment and ridicule that came to Tom just because of his decisions.

The actors were all very strong! I particularly enjoyed the actor who played Carter, Tom's friend, if not a total a-hole. He put a lot of surprising complexity to the character, and make him a likable antagonist.

Anyways, Kapil was pretty tired, so Jake drove us back to SC. Since I came back, I've just been trying to plan things out. In particular, this week. Maybe the summer too... we'll see.

I'm just kicking myself right now. It's 12:30, and I could have totally gone to bed earlier. But I didn't because I was hungry, and now I can't sleep for a while because that wouldn't be healthy... Drats.... What am I going to do with myself? I could really use some better habits. Really. I need a habit transformation or something. Snacking late at night, staying up late, procrastinating... What am I going to do with myself? You think I'd have this figured out by now... Maybe by the end of this summer I'll get that taken care of... Whatever.

These next few days will be fairly slow, unless some super exciting things come hurtling out of the blue. I'll let you know, though things might actually be more exciting if I group days together at this point.

Fight on, friends!!

Classes? Check! - May 2-3, 2014

I approached my last official class of my Freshman year of college with as much grace, dignity, and scholarly excellence that can be expected of such an accomplishment.

I was a startling 20 minutes late.

Typical me to oversleep, even on a day like Friday. Oh well, it was a good class!

I know I talked in my last blog about how this is a bit of a sentimental moment... but.... It doesn't actually feel as monumental as I thought it would. I feel like I still count Finals, so school isn't really over yet at all. After my last final period, I'll feel a lot more like it's summer. Maybe. We'll see!!

The new thing I did on Friday was handle bank issues by myself. Well, mostly by myself. Turns out that some bloke used my card number (don't ask me how he/she got it: I honestly don't know), so I had to fix that problem.... Ugh. Well, it got sorted out, but it put me in a lovely bad mood... grr...

I accomplished pretty much nothing else that day. Literally, nothing. I sat around and tried to work, but time got wasted and I took a nap accidentally. Whoops.

Later that evening, I had my voice recital! I sang "Home" from Beauty and the Beast, and my professor said I did very well. The song felt a bit shaky from my point of view, but not the worst I've ever sung it either! Hooray!! :)

Friday evening, Thomas and I watched another Disney movie!!! This education is HAPPENING, people! We were going to watch Lord of the Rings, but then decided we wanted a shorter movie so we could get to sleep earlier.

Turns out, we would've had time to watch it. You know that funny thing that happens when Rachel and Thomas hang out and end up spending way more time hanging out and talking then they originally intended? Yeah. That happened again. It was really fun though!!!

We've got to run out of things to talk about, or else we're both going to lose a lot of sleep talking about stuff.

Anywho, I woke up this morning feeling pretty crummy from the lack of sleep I got, so I just chilled out and did some homework this morning. Skyped Annie for as long as this stupid, bloody internet connection would let me. That's something I will NOT miss about USC this summer. The Internet here is ridicistupid!!! >:(

The rest of the day? Homework, procrastinating, all that jazz.

I guess you could say that the new thing I did today was that I sat in a spot outside for a bit that I normally don't go to! I leaned up against the tree outside in front of the little hill in the quad instead of on the hill. So... I was basically sitting in the quad. That's not too exciting, but oh well. 

....So.... yeah.

I just don't have much to say today... now that there's not as much immediate pressure to get work done, days feel a lot slower and duller... I guess I'm excited for the next rush of finals now that I've gotten a small chance to rest. 

But tomorrow, I've got more adventures planned. We'll make these last 10 days of Freshman year great- just wait and see :)

Fight on, friends.

And Now for Something Completely Different- April 25- May 1, 2014

I'll admit it, I'm scared of a lot of things. Losing loved ones, Death, tornadoes, throwing up, spiders, deadlines, you name it. There's a lot.

But you know what else scares me? That feeling you get when you suddenly realize that everything as you know it, right in the moment, will soon never the same again.

I mean, I'm sitting here in my dorm room, as I've done nearly every single day for the past 9 months, and I'm suddenly realizing that someday very soon, in only 13 days, actually, I'm going to leave this dorm room forever and I'll never have an experience like this ever again. I'm still going to be a college kid, I'll still be at USC, but things will never, ever be the same as they are right now. This is a moment in time that cannot be duplicated.

And you know what's scarier? This is a moment in time that I'm going to miss. I'm going to miss this- right here, right now, someday.

I mean... what do you do with that? It's so sentimental you want to cry, but there's not a lot you can do. I could go outside and enjoy the sunshine like I always do... but technically, I know I can still do that next year if I wanted. I could hole up in my dorm room and take in every detail of this cramped little space, but what would that accomplish?

There's nothing I can do to take in the moment except... live. All I can do is let it slowly sift like sand through my fingers at the beach as I watch it trickle down into the waves, until it's indistinguishable from any other moment that ever happened while time has existed. Except, it meant something to me. But there it goes.

This is scary to me. I'm almost done with my freshman year of college, in fact, very very close to being done. I only have one normal class left of this semester! This was one of the most significant years of my life, and suddenly its almost over.

People say time goes by fast. I don't know if I agree or not. This past year has been a paradox of time inching by until I can hardly stand it, and at the same time a flurry of time rushing past me making me wonder if it was actually just yesterday I hugged my mom goodbye and walked back to my room for the first time.

Time is so precious. But it's not precious in a way that you can hold onto it and keep it forever. Sure, there's memories, but they only catch the moments, not the experience. Time is a wonder in fast-forward. Time is precious like the Northern lights or fireworks are precious. They're here in one shining moment for you to take in and marvel in its wonder, but it's gone forever the moment after and it's impossible to ever get back again. It's moving, and you have to take it in as you move along too.

But then there are moments like now... when you sit in the stillness and listen to everything around you, but nothing at all- people talking outside the building, cars bumping along in the parking garage, the quiet breeze, girls out in the hallway discussing events for the night or papers to write, your own fingers clicking along the keyboard as you describe your fingers clicking along the keyboard, and very faintly, your own heartbeat pulses in your ears just enough so you know you're alive, but nothing's wrong.

What do you do with these moments? Am I really living and taking in time by sitting here? You could say yes and no. I'm not doing anything, but I am. I'm listening, I'm being still. I'm taking in these moments- right here and now, just as I want to remember them. But I'm not really doing anything. Maybe if I were really living I'd be outside right now, dolled up for some party later tonight or pumped up for exploring the city on a wild adventure that I create.

What a paradox. What an annoying paradox.

I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with time, but I know how I'm going to. I'm going to take each day one goal at a time. Stop and enjoy it for a moment, snap a photo, and keep walking like a visitor at the zoo. What else is there to do?
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I wrote that earlier today. It was all going through my mind and I felt the need to post it. I get philosophical when I've only had 2.5 hours of sleep the night before.... It is how I've been feeling lately. I guess it wasn't until earlier today that I finally could find the words or right emotion to express it. I'm sorry if it sounds pessimistic... in a way, it is. But I promise you that I am still optimistic about both the rest of the semester and the rest of my time in college.

I said in my last post that I wanted to save last weekend for a post of it's own. Well, now it's going to be integrated into talking about the rest of the week, but that's ok!

I decided, last Saturday, that for the rest of the semester (and maybe throughout summer), I want to try to do something new every day. So far, I've been pretty successful!!

Friday I rode in an open convertible for the first time.
The day was adventure after adventure. I had my discussion session in the morning which I finally got up on time for, for once. Most of the day I spent being as productive as I could with homework and cleaning up, but I was also desperately searching for someone to go see a show with me later in the day. See, my Scene Study professor, John, was in a play for a couple of weeks performing at a theater way off-campus (near Hollywood), and since it was the closing weekend I really wanted to go see it. Since it was off-campus though, and in the evening, I didn't want to go alone. By the time the evening was rolling around, I was getting upset and starting to think that I wasn't going to get to go at all. Then, Kapil got back to me and said that he and Jake could both go!!! Remember Kapil and Jake? They were in Fortinbras with me! Yay for theater friends! What made it even more awesome was that Kapil has a car, and was willing to drive us there if we pitched in for gas. Yay!!!! Adventures!!!

So, that evening, Kapil picked me up after I grabbed dinner at EVK, and then we went to get Jake. Turns out his car is a green convertible too! I can officially say that I've been in a convertible, on an LA freeway, with the top down. The three of us looked like we could've been out of the 80s- we had the music blasting, and Kapil and I were both wearing jackets that can work both for 80s style and today.

The play itself was really, very good!! John was clearly the best actor, and had my favorite role. It was the lead role! He was really excited that we came to see it. I'm glad we did too! :) We discussed the play with him a little bit, but Kapil and Jake were both pretty hungry so we didn't stay for too long. Jake took us on the scenic route to LA Live, where we got food before I got dropped back off in front of EVK.

Besides the entire adventure of going off campus and getting to see a really great play that my professor was in, it was really good to see Jake and Kapil. I've missed my Fortinbras cast so much!!! I don't see them or talk to them nearly as often as I'd like to anymore. If any of you are reading this, we should definitely all hang out sometime. Or, just some of us, as long as I'm there and can see your awesome faces again.

Saturday was the first time I tried Sprinkles cupcakes and heard an organ recital/heard an organ play live... in general..
Hannah had some giftcards she needed to spend, so she had opened up a trip to Sprinkles cupcakes and The Last Bookstore to the girls on my floor. Turns out Jinny and I were the only ones who could actually make it!! That was alright though. We took the metro to downtown and got some amazing cupcakes, then walked to the bookstore.

I'd heard a lot about this bookstore before- apparently it was really cool in design, and cheap (they have a whole section where every book is $1). They're right, but it was more than just "cool," in my opinion. It was amazing. There were so many books and so little time!!! I ended up getting 5, (hey, Hannah had a giftcard, plus it was all inexpensive), but I'm going back there if I ever need a play. They have a huge variety of plays all for not much money!!! The one dollar room was a bit overwhelming for me though. It's nearly impossible to find anything in there!

Anyways, we took a bus back to SC, then the three of us all went to Leavy Library to work on the homework we neglected to come on this adventure. Then, I left early to get ready for a concert!

Ok, it was more of a recital than a concert. Actually, it was a recital, but still. I felt cool. Remember my friend Thomas? He had an organ recital that night, and I had promised I'd come! I wanted to go because a) when you have a friend that's played practically all over the world and is majoring in the instrument, it makes sense that you'd like to hear them play it for once and b) I've never heard an organ live before, that I can remember at least! If I have, it was a long time ago!

I took an Uber car there. I wouldn't mention it, but the most incredible thing happened when I was talking to the driver. Right away, I told him the address of where I wanted to go, and we started talking about my destination. I mentioned that it was a recital at a church, which really sparked his attention, so we talked about churches... or maybe I brought up my church at home. I don't remember. But he asked if I was a follower of Christ, to which I gave an enthusiastic (but still slightly cautious) yes. He actually started tearing up, he was so happy. Actually, he cried. He started telling me that I was the first customer he's had that's said they were a Christian too, and it meant a lot to him. He told me all about his story, how he was in a bad place and found himself doing drugs and drinking too much and being away from home often when he was younger (he's only 23), but his sister convinced him to go to church with her. When he did, he accepted Jesus and his life got completely flipped around. He stopped doing all of those old behaviors that were messing with his life in one day. One day!!! His old friends say he's completely changed, and he considered himself completely changed too. It was an incredible, powerful story... I didn't really know what to say when I was listening to it besides "Wow." And he had stories of other people he knew that were completely turned around because of a newfound faith too! One friend he had, from his church, stopped doing heroin- heroin!- in a DAY because of God's incredible power and Jesus coming into his heart. I was just... so inspired. Our God is a powerful, incredible God, guys. He changes lives.
So, when we finally got to the church, I was feeling awed and inspired already. It was the best Uber ride I've ever taken, just listening to this driver's stories and testimony. I don't have any other words for it. It was all just very inspiring.

Then of course, I heard Thomas play (finally) and he did an outstanding job! I'm really glad I went- the kid's got talent. Plus, I know he's worked really hard and has been super enthusiastic about the pieces he presented, which made it more fun to listen to. They were all really powerful and soulful, in my opinion. I was also really entertained not only by the music and watching Thomas play, but by trying to figure out how exactly the organ was working. It's a huge instrument.

Thomas's parents were kind enough to give me a ride back to SC afterwards, but we went to get food with his instructors before we went back, so I got to meet and talk with them both. Holy cow they're incredible people. I had a lot of fun talking with them!!!

Once we got back to SC, Thomas and I ended up hanging out and discussing the concert for a while. It was just going to be five minutes, but for some reason whenever we start a conversation it always lasts longer than we intend it to. That's the great thing about having friends that are easy to talk to, I guess!!!

Alright. Moving to Sunday.

The new things I did on Sunday weren't as extreme. For the show, I went to the Village Gate Theatre for the first time, and while I was there I downloaded a new app my friend Kennedy showed me. It's like Instagram, except it messages you at a random time during the day telling you to take a picture. Eventually, you end up with an "accidental photo book" from each day. It's called Room for Thought, and I'm enjoying it so far!!

I got up fairly late, but was able to work on homework before I headed to the show.
This one was campus-related! Students from both USC and UCLA joined together to put on a play called "Columbinus." It was showing last weekend at USC, and continues at UCLA this weekend, but I wanted to see it while it was nearby me. Plus, I had three friends in the show!
The play itself is about the shooting at Columbine High School 10 years ago. The subject is powerful, heavy, and thought provoking... it was also very emotional. By the end of it, I felt like I needed to cry even though I ended up not. It really makes you think about life, and how you treat the people around you. You hear all the time that how you treat people matters so much, and that a kind word or action can go so far, and that being yourself is the best person you can be. So "Columbinus" is almost frustrating, because you know all these truths about life but these high school kids just didn't get it...they didn't get it.
It's cathartic, but sad... I'm still reflecting on it whenever I think about it, nearly a week later. Overall, it was a beautiful show.
By the way, Kyle, Halley, and Bennett- you guys were phenomenal!!!!! Wonderful, wonderful work!!!! I know I've told you all this already, but still- I loved it.

I don't remember what I did with the rest of Sunday.... I think I did homework.

Monday was the first time I bought something picked out for me by a stranger.

It was a pretty typical day. I rehearsed our scene with Afton before class, and class went pretty well. Then, I finally had my academic advisement appointment!!! Also, I finally got to register for classes for next semester!!! At the moment, I'll be taking Ballet, a GE on Native American Stories, my next Acting class, the next Theater History class, Voice lessons again, and Intro to Business for Non-majors. Hooray.

After my sociology class, I went into the bookstore to pick up some thank you cards I could fill out for professors. While I was there, some beautiful journals caught my eye. I've noticed a friend of mine who keeps all her acting notes and work in a journal like this, and I'd like to do the same thing, since I'm learning so much and I don't want my notes all over the place. There were so many beautiful ones though, I was having a really hard time. Another girl was also looking through the journals and, as far as I could tell, having the same struggle. So I got an idea. I struck up a conversation with her, and confirmed that she was looking for a journal- she wants something she can record her dreams in to keep by her bed. So I said, "Can I suggest something crazy?" and offered to pick out her journal for her, if she'd pick out one for me, and I told her what I was looking for. So we did!!! It was so much easier to look for something for someone else than it is yourself. I found her a silver book with a cool woven design on it and a clasp, to keep her dreams secret. She got me a notebook with a golden and blue flower with a Safavid design. I decided to look past the design being Safavid, since the purpose for the book has nothing to do with spirituality and because the design is so pretty. It'll be my little golden book of acting!!! I talked to her a little after we each purchased the books (and thank you cards, for me!) though I don't remember her name. I do remember she was a Junior and an animation major though. Hooray, new friends!

The rest of Monday was spent with me busting my butt trying to get homework done. It was not as affective as hoped.

Tuesday was the first time I went to Leavy Library late at night.

Tuesday was all homework homework homework. I've been working hard to try and get stuff done since there's a lot on my plate, but for some reason I can never seem to do as much as I need to in a particular day. Also, on Tuesday I had to go to my 8am lecture for Theater 130 again. We had a review day for the final! It wasn't too bad, actually. I got to see the crew of Art of Success again, as well as the crew of Fortinbras!! I've missed those guys just as much as the cast!! They're so great!!

Well, I worked on homework, I guess. I don't remember doing anything else! I might've been procrastinating or cleaning up or talking to people or something, but anyways, I was still up working pretty late into the evening... around midnight or so. I was texting Thomas at the time, though, and he too had a lot of work to do. So, I had a crazy idea again- "Let's meet up at Leavy and work on homework together!" Keep in mind, it was just about midnight. But, he agreed, so we met up at the library and got some decent work done for a couple hours before giving up and heading back to get some sleep.

Wednesday... I had loose-leaf tea for the first time, and shared the majority of an all-nighter with friends for the first time!...unfortunately...

Wednesday morning, I got to class early again so Afton and I could work with John on our scene.... it was a bit discouraging. We're forgetting a lot of acting basics in our efforts to make the scene look like a scene. Plus, we're not memorized yet. Hopefully this weekend will change that!
But it was the very last day of our Scene Study class for the semester... :( We got to sit together and talk about acting, summer, the School of Dramatic Arts, and real world acting for a bit at the beginning of class, which was really nice and wonderful. I enjoyed it greatly!!!
It was also our last Sociology class! Tim let us out pretty early after we went over some logistics about our final exam. I'll miss learning from Professor Biblarz. He's a great guy!
So, Thursday morning I had two papers due- one for Writing 150 at 9:30am, and the other for Theater history (thtr 210) at 11am. I'd been working hard during the week on the writing paper, but had hardly touched the 210 paper... I worked on the writing paper all afternoon and into the evening, but things were going slow. Thomas and I decided to work in the library together again, since we both had a lot of work to do.
Having two papers to finish in front of me, with the goal of not pulling an all-nighter, stressed me out so much I actually had a panic attack without Thomas knowing it. At first, I thought I felt shaky and nauseous because I was getting really tired, so I ran all the way back to my dorm room to make myself some black tea to get me through to the late hours of the night, but the caffeine only made the shakiness worse. It took some serious focus and self-calming to get work done.
So, stressor #1- I had two papers to finish. Stresser 2 was the moment after I got tea when I suddenly realized that there was absolutely no way I was going to finish without being up all night, throwing my goal of getting enough sleep out the window. This is a big deal for me, and so I was getting really nervous about being low on sleep the next day. Stressor 3 was at about 2am when my computer started to get low on battery. I'd brought my charger, but none of the outlets in the entire floor of the library were actually working with my charger and computer. With all this, I decided to go back to the Pardee lounge to finish my work there.
I felt horrid. Not physically horrid, but mentally I felt like I was drowning, suffocating, in stress and worry and constantly trying to calm myself by saying that I was ok, I'd be fine, and I could do this. It's just a couple papers, right? I was on the verge of tears while we were walking back, actually, thanks to the stress levels. Luckily, Thomas was a very supportive, encouraging friend, and reassured me several times that I'd be alright and that I was able to get this done. I also ran into my friend Bennett, from my Scene Study class in the Pardee lounge. He too gave me some great encouragement to help get me motivated and calmed down.
I'm really lucky to have found great friends like these guys since I've been in college.

Motivation continued when I found that Sneha and Kate were also working on homework all night. Hannah too had a lot to finish! Plus, I was working in the lounge again, and Corona was in there, up late working. I saw all of them a lot as I was working, as I'd get up after every paragraph I worked on to go back to my room for something, or fill up my water bottle, or whatever, and I'd walk by them sitting in the hallway. It was great encouragement!

The last few hours, I was left on my own. It wasn't for long, at least. I finished the Writing 150 paper at around 6:20am, and class wasn't until 9:30, so I went to bed and was able to sleep for a good 2.5-3 hours before today started.

Today, Thursday, I did a lot for the first time!
-Explored a new spot near Parkside
-Witnessed the Fountain Run
-Stepped inside a USC fountain

I got up barely in time for my Writing class, but still made it and turned in my paper!!! We didn't have much to do and got out early, so I spent that extra hour between 10 and 11 finishing up my Theater history paper. I submitted it with 10 minutes to spare, then had to walk all the way out to Gateway to rehearse with a pianist.
Oh yeah, I have a voice recital on Friday. That's why.
My voice didn't sound great... I'm way too tired to be singing for a performance...
Well, the next big event of today was the last Theater History class of the semester. I don't think anyone was sad about seeing that class go, and even I felt a little rebellious knowing that I really didn't care what our professor was lecturing about anymore.
Well, it's over now. Hooray!!!
I did some homework, went to my last Sociology discussion session of the year, and then came back to my dorm room....

And sat here for a while.... really unsure of what to do...
That's where I wrote the passage that you see in the beginning of the blog... I was just thinking and reflecting, and those words came to me. So I wrote them into here.

Then I decided what to do- clean up, eat, read, and go to Intervaristy for once.

I walked to Parkside for dinner, and on the way to the IV meeting is when I saw a cute little general store right near the Parkside cafeteria! I went inside and explored it for a bit as something new to do. I was worried that this would be all I did that was new today, but at least it was something.

It was so nice to go to Intervarsity again. I saw some familiar, friendly faces, just as welcoming as always. It was Senior night, and the last meeting of the semester, so they were running the show. The whole time, I found so much joy out of worshipping to the music and listening to what the seniors had to say. It was refreshing and comforting, for sure.

As I was walking back, the USC tradition of the Fountain Run was just beginning. Seniors run all over campus, trying to jump in every single fountain that we have here, and let me tell you, that's a LOT!!! It's quite an event to witness, but I'm pretty jealous of them. That looks like a lot of fun, and I'll be looking forward to the event when I'm a Senior here :)

I got a bit of a headstart on that, actually. I happened to meet up with Thomas while I was out, so we talked for a while. Talking to people gives me energy, and so I got another crazy idea. We were already near the big swimming pool-looking fountain near Leavy, and there were lots of people already inside of it and around it, so, really quickly, I kicked off my shoes and stepped in.
It felt a lot grosser than I expected. Lots of dirt, and a little deeper than I anticipated (up to my knees!!!), but not cold!!! Still, it was exhilarating and I'm glad I did it :)

And now, here I am... up too late again, writing my blog.

A year ago today, I made the official decision to come to USC. Tomorrow, I will have my very last real class as a Freshman in college. I don't think it's hit me yet, or that it will until during/after the class... Right now, all I can feel about it is partially what I wrote about in my rant before, and also just that I'm excited to see how I will be feeling. I hope I'm sentimental about it though. It's an appropriate emotion for this kind of thing.

I'll write about it tomorrow, when it happens. For now,
Fight on, friends.