Tonight has been one that I don't think I'll forget.
In fact, I hope I don't.
Yesterday, on the other hand, was fairly dull. Sorry for not blogging. Not much happened though! It's getting hot in LA again, which isn't too much fun if you're like me and you don't like the heat. Summer is coming so quickly! I feel almost like I got cheated out of winter and spring!!! Though it's supposed to cool down later this weekend...
I think above all, I'm constantly remembering just how much stuff I have to do, and it's a tad overwhelming. I'm not a fan of all this work...
Plus, getting ready for the dress rehearsal last night started with my hair deciding it didn't want to do squat to look nice for me. So... thanks for that, hair :P
The run itself was really fun!!! I felt during the show like I could've been doing better, but I still got a nice compliment saying I was on a good track. Yay. Glad I'm doing something right then!!! :)
Then I stayed up too late and snacked on food I don't need and didn't do enough homework that staying up late is worth. What else is new?
Today though... today was special.
Now, I am not a fan of Wednesdays this semester. Actually, Wednesdays outright suck. I enjoy my classes, but with the middle of the week, you're going into everything you're doing already bogged down with work and not much sleep, you don't have the weekend to look forward to yet because it's not close enough, but there's still a false sense of hope about the weekend because you won't see these professors until next week. What the heck.
And that's how today started. I was exhausted this morning. Getting an iced chai helped a bit, plus my Scene Study class is fantastic, but I didn't really wake up much until after class. Worked on homework in the Campus Center before grabbing lunch and heading to class again.
Confession time- Rachel does not pay nearly enough attention in her Sociology class. What's the point though? He makes the points in his Powerpoints, and most of it we read about in the articles he assigns for homework, so I understand the concepts. Yes, I'll have to study it more carefully than normal when the final rolls around, but for now, it's hard enough to concentrate on just staying awake during the day.
I had a voice lesson then, which I was afraid I wouldn't do well at since I haven't had much time to practice. On the contrary, it seems I'm making progress. Even a little practice is practice, and I'm gaining an ear for being able to tell what it sounds like when I'm not singing quite properly. The songs I'm working on are forcing me to use perfect technique as well, so that's helpful!!!
Then, it was off to the theater. A little earlier than normal, so I would have time to get done everything I needed to when I was there.
And tonight... Tonight I tried hard just to do nothing but concentrate on the show while I was there. Just the show and my cast members- that's it. It didn't work- I get a bit bored after my scene in Act 1, since I'm not on again until Act 2. And what are you going to do when you're just waiting for your next scene but you don't want to avert your concentration from the show? My solution was to casually listen to the show, or chat with cast mates.
Tonight was our last dress rehearsal, and an open dress rehearsal, at that. We had our first small audience! There was one member in particular we could hear laughing at practically everything- and he had a VERY loud laugh!!! It's encouraging to know that people think this is a good show, and we were told so by them afterwards. We're working hard out there, so it's good to know when your work pays off!!!
After the show, since it was still technically a dress rehearsal, we gathered around for notes. I can't quite describe this cast well enough to explain how fun it is to listen to them and be in their company, but what might help is if I tell you that notes are always interesting. I'm tired, yes, and closing my eyes a bit, but you can't help listening to all that's being said around you. And I learn so much, even when it's a note to another actor.
This time was more sentimental than normal... this was really the last time we're going to have a notes session like this one for the show's run. We all decided on goals to focus on during the show: mine are to stay alive and in the moment, commit and remember my intentions onstage, remember the arc of my character, and to always make everyone else on stage with me the most important person in the scene. Some goals were similar to mine, but some were quite different. All were good!
I went up to my director afterwards and asked her about something that's been on my mind ever since auditions. I don't know if you remember my story about when I first auditioned for this show, but it was right after my audition for Grand Hotel (which I truly felt I had failed), and I almost didn't audition for this show. So, I told Jen this story, to just... thank her for whatever it was she saw in my audition that got me here, because I was really grateful for it. Also, to ask what that was, since I really had no clue.
What she said surprised me. After my audition, I had asked her to keep me in mind to work on the show, on crew or wherever else I was needed, since I really wanted to be involved. So she got to see more of my personality, and the person I was, and there was a person there that she wanted to work with, I guess. Long story short. From what I gathered. I'm worried about misquoting her, so that's why I'm putting some disclaimers here.
...I'm taken aback and awed. Who would've thought something so simple as that would've led to one of the best experiences of my freshman year of college? But it taught me a few really important things:
1) If God wants something to happen, then by golly it's going to happen no matter what you do...
2) ...but you'll want it too. I had a strange attraction to this show since I heard it was being produced here, and especially since I read the script for the first time. I just knew, deep down, that this is what I really wanted to work on and be involved in. Then, I thought that being on the crew was as close as I was going to get, but it turned into something much more. See point 1 for that explanation. Wow.
3) In an audition, be yourself!! They want to see that!!!
4) It's fun to be yourself.
I've been thinking about this the past few days- the idea of being yourself. It's so vague to say, and I don't think anyone will ever understand what it really means fully. Tonight though, I discovered somehow that being you isn't really complicated. It's nothing more than following your heart, listening to your brain, trusting those feelings and thoughts (because see point 1 again!), and sticking to what you think and believe. And it's freeing. It's freeing because you can be whatever you want when you're you! If there's something about you you don't like, you can change it. Or, you can just live your life being accepting of yourself and who you are. And there's a lot of freedom in that.
It's also fun! There's no one else on earth who's going to contribute to society exactly like you are, you know? You're unique. "There's no one alive that's youer than you." I think Dr. Seuss said that.
I know, all that just from learning how I ended up in this show? How'd that happen?
I think part of it is the realization that getting into this show wasn't in my control. All I had to do was be myself and listen to how I felt, and let God do the rest. Pondering on that... you get a beautiful revelation about what it means to be you.
And being you is something to be proud of. You are unique and special. Isn't that incredible?
I feel freer, after today. I feel like I have less control over my life, but that I'm ok with that... at least for now. I'm still going to try planning out every minute of my day so I can attempt to be productive, but still, that's not the important stuff. And the important stuff, all those important decisions in the future I'm worried about, or worrying about what exactly it is I plan on doing with this Theater degree in 4 years... I don't have to worry about that. I just have to be me and see what happens.
And that's why life's an adventure.
And that's why I love it.
I cannot wait for opening tomorrow. This weekend is going to be so much fun!!!
Fight on, friends <3
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